Thinking Out Loud
by Chelsea Oz
Summary: An in-progress AU that takes place in between "God Broke The Mold" and "If We Make It Through December." It's told in Dill's POV and it chronciles his and Scout's relationship from his last summer night in Maycomb as a kid, to his fated trip in Italy where he saw the young girl, to finally reuniting in NYC with Scout. Last chapter is up! Thank you everyone!
1. Chapter 1

I had a feeling that this was going to be my last summer in Maycomb. I tried to live each summer day with Scout and Jem to the fullest. You would have thought I was going to die, that's how much I wanted to be there. I wanted to be there for every meal that Calpurnia cooked. Who wouldn't? That colored woman's got a supernatural way of cooking. I wanted to be there to greet Atticus with Jem and Scout when he came home. The guy looks and acts like a Greek God; he's even got a name fit for one. I wanted to be there for when the sun would go down and shine on Scout's face. She doesn't know she's beautiful.

All my expectations for that summer were met and would have been more fully so if Hank Clinton didn't have to be there, too. I guess I should feel sorry for the kid because he ain't got no father but fuck, I didn't have one for the longest time either. In many ways I still don't but that's beside the point. His mother is hardly ever around, is a drunk, and oh shit, that describes my mom, too! No wonder why I don't feel bad for him!

The real reason why I don't like him? He notices Scout, too. Scout is not your typical little girl; she knows it, she doesn't care, and if you don't like it, that's your problem. She's an either you love her or hate her kind of person and I would personally like to punch anyone who hates her because she's perfect. I knew from the moment I laid eyes on her that she was going to be a very important person in my life. I knew that about Jem as well but she was the first girl, maybe the only girl that I will ever connect with. Unfortunately for me, it looks like Hank feels the same way.

The evening before I was to meet my mother at Maycomb Junction to go to New York with her was a bittersweet night. I always wanted to see the big city but I sure was going to miss my small town summer days. I watched as Jem and Hank played catch with the football in the street and I watched Scout watch them. I sat on the swing while I observed the normalcy of it all. I was going to look back on this time and cry, I was sure.

"Hey," Scout said as she snuck alongside me on the swing.

"Hey," I said as I wrapped my arm around her. She rested her head on my shoulder and that was making things a little bit better.

"I always wish for one more day when I know you have to leave in the morning."

"You still have Hank."

"Hank's got nothing on you."

"Really?!" I asked. I got a little too excited because Scout shot me a look.

"Of course he doesn't. I mean, I like Hank but you were the first friend I ever had. I doubt you forget the first friend you ever had."

"You were mine. I know I'll never forget you."

"I hope not. You still want to get married?"

"I don't know."

"Me either."

That was when she rested her head back on my shoulder and it was her turn to wrap her arm around me. I think we were both telling the truth; I most certainly was. We were ten by that point and we I think with both of our upbringings came a sense of understanding at an early age that life doesn't always work out the way you want it to.

"Hey," she spoke up.

"What?"

"If we ever did get married, what would our day be like?"

"We would go to the church," I told her as I held her close to me. "It would be in the summer because we met in the summer..."

"Yeah, yeah," she agreed with a smile.

"I would have on a suit and tie and you would wear a white dress with a white veil."

"Would I look pretty?"

"You would be beautiful."

"Go on."

"Atticus would walk you down the aisle and he would cry because he has to give you away."

"I don't want Atticus to cry," she bolted upright. I won't get married if he's going to cry."

"Okay, he doesn't cry; he's got a big smile on his face because his daughter is so beautiful."

"Okay, that's better," she said as she rested against me again.

"Then we will say our vows..."

"Will we mess up?"

"No. Our vows will be perfect and our rings are going to be pure gold."

"Will you settle for pure silver?"

"No, I only want the best!"

"Naturally."

"And then I kiss you."

"Like you have before?"

"Harder."

"Wow..."

"Dill!" Jem called out for me. "What do you think you and my sister are doing?"

"We're talking about the future!" Scout replied.

"You can do it without being in his lap, you know!"

"Yeah," Hank taunted back.

Pipsqueak! I'll be damned if he's the one who gets to have Scout Finch sit on his lap as they discuss the future together!


	2. The Girl I Had Forgotten

Fighting in a war is an expierience you will never understand unless you've actually done it. The anxiety of the next attack is excrutiating, the absolute fear that you will never make it home is always riding on your back, and the relief when it's all over is euphoric. I didn't know what to do with my feelings so I had begun to write. By fate, I had begun to do work as a free-lance writer and found myself to be quite good at it with the revenue to prove it. I could make a living for myself here and the more I wrote, the more I became uninterested in the United States. I lived in Italy most of the time and it was beautiful despite being broken by the war and by Mussolini's Fascist dictatorship.

For a good decade, I just traveled all over Europe while I wrote and it was definitely an era of peace in my life. I had the time that I needed to heal myself of the shit the war had done to me. Traveling made me realize that I was not the only one on a journey for healing and it was such a comfort to not feel so all alone. I did it all; had quiet morning walks on a spring morning in Paris, had tall beers in the afternoon in Berlin, and had wild nights in London and would do it all again within a months time. I wouldn't trade those ten years for anything.

By the time 1956 rolled around, I had begun to feel restless. I had gone back to Venice and realized that I had been all dried up. It's a scary thing for a writer to have nothing left to say. Truly disgusted with myself and the circumstances I found myself in, I decided maybe a nice walk around town would help ease my mind. It really was like any other walk with your first thought of how cold or warm it seemed but about five minutes into it your mind was clear.

That was until I heard church bells begin to chime. It was such a lovely sound and I couldn't exactly pinpoint as to why the sound made me feel so nostalgic. As I kept on walking, I realized there must have been a wedding because I could see a bride and groom step out onto the church steps. Other people walking down the street were stopping to help celebrate and I figured I would do the same. When I finally was facing the scene, I was speechless and it wasn't about the bride but of the little flower girl who had taken a seat on the steps. I could have sworn Scout Finch time traveled to be here to face me.

"Bella," I said to her as I had gotten my camera out of my coat pocket. Sounds mad to have a camera at the ready but as a writer I felt whenever I was inspired by a moment I could capture it on film to remember it by so I could write it down later.

"Bella," I said again. This time the little girl noticed me and the camera and she smiled. I snapped it at the perfect moment and knew that I had a golden picture. It wasn't long after that the little girl ran up the steps and back to the bride and groom, laughing all the way. She must have known she was cute.

I felt riled up by that moment and quickly walked back to my place. I knew I had to write now but it was for something completely different. It was not going to be a piece for work but it was going to be a letter for Scout, the girl I had forgotten. I had a dark room in my apartment for the pictures I took and I began to write as soon as the little girl's photo was developed. The only problem is that I remember hearing from a good pal of Jem's during the war that Scout was living in New York City. I go ahead with it anyway and put Atticus' address on the envelope. If I know Atticus, he will see to it that she gets it. My heart flutters as I tuck it in the mail pile. I had a feeling that something big was going to happen on Monday when I mailed that letter.


	3. New York State Of Mind

A month had gone by and I had not heard from her. I must have scared her and that makes me feel horrible because that was the last thing I wanted to do. I damned myself for always being the kind of guy with the heart on his sleeve. I believe I said way too much and I never realized how creepy it was to add in that photo copy of that little girl until it was too late. Sometimes your heart works faster than your brain, I guess.

I needed to get out of Venice. The city that once helped make me feel so alive everyday had become dull. I've visited practically every European hotspot there could be; I've been there and done all of that. Where would I go from here? It seemed the only logical thing to do was to go back to the states. I still wasn't sure if I wanted to go back there but maybe if I stayed in a place like New York City where there were different kinds of people everywhere and still a million things to do it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe by fate I would run into Scout; then again maybe New York City wouldn't be an ideal place after all.

"Charles Harris," I answered my home phone one afternoon.

"Hey, it's Frank," my friend, Frank Crucitti, replied. "You working lately?"

"Here and there."

"I'm going to New York for two weeks. I've never been and I thought maybe you would like to come if you weren't busy with your writing."

I couldn't believe he was saying this to me. These Europeans are heavy into New Age crap and I've been reading a lot into it. The way my gut feels right now I couldn't say that was a bad thing. I do believe this is a sign.

"Frank," I said with a swallow. "You oughta know by now that I can work anywhere."

"So it's a yeah?"

"You bet your sweet ass. Listen, though..."

"What?"

"If I go with you, I'm not coming back to Venice."

"What are you talking about? I thought you loved the place."

"It will always hold a special place in my heart but I'm growing bored here. It doesn't serve me anymore here."

"You havin' chick problems I don't know about?"

"Chick problems? You oughta know by now that I don't go steady. A woman ain't even in my bed long enough to give me problems."

"Oh, that's right. I forgot your real name was Mr. Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Ma'am."

"Jealous much?"

"Very."

"I thought so," I said with a laugh. "When are we supposed to fly out?"

"Next Friday."

"I'll be ready by then."

"I knew I can count on ya. We're gonna have fun!"

"We better. Bye for now, man."

"Yeah. Bye."

As always, I really have to think if I had just done the right thing. Acting on impulse will forever be one of my faults. I looked out my window as I hung up the phone and realized that the mailman had brought my mail. That was odd; it was Sunday wasn't it? No, I guess it was Saturday after all. I step outside to get it with the feeling of expecting the same old, same old. I flipped through and sure enough bill, bill, bill, letter addressed to me from New York. I stop breathing for a few seconds and wonder if it could be. Once my brain begins to get oxygen again, I rip the envelope open and finally get to see the letter I've been waiting for.

 _Dear Dill,_

 _I don't know how you do it; you always manage to be there when I'm down. I had just broken my engagement to Hank just the other day when your letter arrived. We were engaged for all of three hours when I found out that he was having an affair with my father and brother's secretary. How did I find out? He called her name while we were having sex. Can you believe that? Atticus and Jem couldn't believe it either; they had no idea. I haven't seen Hank since Atticus found and fired him and kicked him out of our home._

 _How did that happen to me, Dill? The boy I grew up with and grew into love with had betrayed me so viciously. I guess I'm not that special but how did I become that pathetic woman that gets cheated on? I thought he was the only man who I would ever consider marrying and I was ready, Dill, I was finally ready._

 _Anyway, I back home in New York now and when I looked at that little girl again I really saw myself. I broke down and prayed to God that the little girl never feels as heartbroken as I do. I'm sorry but I can't believe how much I'm blown apart by my last trip home. A lot happened but I feel Hank was the one who destroyed me more than my brother, my father, my aunt, or even Calpurnia ever could._

 _I'm so sorry. You seem so happy and I feel as though I'm putting a damper on that. I hope I'm not and I hope you're still the little boy who would hop the fence, kiss me and tell me everything will be all right if I so much as scowled at my own shadow. Even if you're not, I will forgive you. I've missed you and I can't wait to hear more from you that's if I haven't scared you away with this letter!_

 _Love from your six year old bride,_

 _Scout Finch_

 _P.S- I love you, too. So, so much._

I crumpled up her letter, grinded it to the floor with my foot and spat on it. I knew Hank was a no good fucking prick! He better pray that I never find him because I will kill him! I'm seriously mad that Jem didn't. He used to yell at me for so much as looking at her at night sometimes! Yes, I am still the little boy that is going to be there for you, Scout. I will jump the pond, hug you when I find you and I will make everything all right. Just hang on until next Saturday, please...


	4. Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out

New York City in late September is a magical time as I soon found out. When Frank and I left LaGaurdia airport, the air was already fresh with fall. All that concerned summer had seemed to have melted away with the temperature. I felt as new as the season once we were piled in a taxi and headed for our hotel.

"Are you glad you came?" Frank asked as we pulled away from LaGaurdia.

"Very," I replied. No other words needed to be said.

I was very uncharacteristically quiet the whole drive down. I looked past the tenement houses and the slum children playing and wondered what they thought life was like. I hope they realized that life didn't have to be that hard. Then we past brownstone houses with the well-to-do children playing in the same style as the slum children and the realization had brought me peace. My childhood days playing with Scout had crept into my mind again; memories played out scenes that I haven't thought of in a long time.

"Hey man, we're here," Frank said as he punched me in the arm.

"Already?" I asked.

"Yeah. Are you okay, man? You act like you're out in space."

"I'm okay."

"Well, get out and get our luggage."

As usual, I brought the most luggage between the two of us with good reason though: He was going back and I wasn't. Frank still thought I was crazy to move back to the United States by myself. I reminded him that this was my home country and I traveled around Europe mostly by myself anyway. I never mentioned the possibilty of seeing Scout to him. I figured if I find her, when I find her, I would tell him.

Our hotel room was on the top floor of a ten story building. I was glad that heights didn't bother me anymore. I walked into the room and everything was white. I decided that I've stayed in better but we could have been staying in a lot worse knowing this city. I watched as Frank laid down on one of the beds and that's when I decided to look out the window. A little way's down and a look to the right, I spotted a bar. I thought it would be nice to have a drink right now.

"What are you staring at?" Frank asked.

"That bar across the street. A cocktail or two sounds nice. Care to come along?"

"No way, man. I am washed up from that flight. I can't believe you're not."

"I'm so used to traveling it doesn't faze me anymore."

"Well, you can go. Don't let me stop ya."

"Who said you were gonna?" I asked as I headed out the door. "Have a nice nap."

"Have a nice buzz," Frank replied.

The bar inside was as tiny and cozy as it looked on the outside. I helped myself to a seat at the corner booth and waited for the cocktail waitress to come by. I love corner booths; you can see everything and hear everything without getting too close. I don't know how many short pieces I have written from these places.

"What'll you have, sir?" A voluptuous redhead asked out the corner of my eye.

"A double Irish coffee," I replied.

"Yes, sir," she said as she walked away.

As she was getting my drink order, I spotted a man and a woman at the bar talking to each other. I couldn't keep my eyes off the woman, especially her legs. She was wearing a black mini-dress that showed all her legs and her legs were delicious. I wonder if she's wearing any underwear. Wouldn't I like to find out...

"Your drink, sir," the redhead said as she gave me my irish coffee.

"Thank you," I said, not paying a whole lot of attention to her.

"Are you all right?" She asked me. "What are you staring at?"

"Well," I didn't know if I should ask her this but I figured to go ahead; I would never see her again, probably. "That girl in the black dress over there. What's her name?"

"Oh, that's Jean Louise Finch."

"What?!" I said a little too loud because a few bar patrons turned around and looked at me.

"Do you know her?"

"We were best friends when we were little. How do you know her?"

"She used to work here and now she just hangs out here with whatever man she picks up."

"She's not a hooker, is she?"

"No but between you and me, she's as loose as a cannon."

"So am I," I admitted.

"At least you're honest. Want me to tell her you're here?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"She's walking away."

I watched in what seemed like slow motion as Scout and her man of the hour headed for the door. I noticed her look right at me and I gave her a smile. She then had a look on her face that almost looked like sorrow before she finally headed out the door with her man not far behind her. Did she not know who I was? Did she know and not have the guts to face me? Maybe she didn't want to leave but her man was being a blow-hard? I don't know and I'm not sure I do want to know.

"Do you want another double Irish?" The waitress asked me. She noticed the whole thing, too and obviously felt like shit for me.

"Yes, please."

"I'm sorry I couldn't get to her sooner."

"Let her go."

The waitress didn't know what to say after that. She just headed back to the bar while I pretty much gulped down the Irish Coffee. I arrived with my heart set on just one strong cocktail and now I wanted to get blacked-out drunk. I rubbed my temples as the waitress slammed my new mug on the table with a smile. What the hell was she smiling for?

"She's back."

"She's alone?"

"All alone. She wants to see you."

"Well, go get her then."

"Hi," Scout came up to me out of nowhere. She laughed at my shocked expression and then I began to laugh because she was laughing. I got up from my seat, grabbed her face and kissed her lips. She wrapped her arms around my neck as the bar oohed and ahhed. That made us laugh more.

"Thanks, Patty," she said to the waitress.

"Don't mention it, lovebirds," she said as she punched Scout on the arm before walking away.

"Here, take a seat," I said as I moved over to make room for her.

"Okay."

"I didn't mean for you to cancel your date."

"Oh, forget about him. He's sleaze."

"I hope you know you traded in sleaze for more sleaze."

"Oh, I know."

We both laughed. Man, it was good to see her again and with her childhood wit still intact. I brushed her hair back and noticed there was a scar near her temple that I don't remember her having. I wonder where she got it from but from the look she gave me when she realized I noticed I didn't want to know. I gave it a kiss as she flinched.

"You're okay, sweetheart," I said, kind of shocked and hurt that she would flinch like that because of me.

"Since when do you call me sweetheart?"

"Since now. Does that hurt?"

"No," she said as she straightened herself out in her seat. I watched as she pulled down the hem of her dress to make sure she wasn't totally exposed.

"You're not wearing any underwear, are you?"

"Dill!" She shot at me. I just smile slyly at her until she shakes her head no.

"That revival taught you nothing, did it?"

We both laughed again.


	5. Close To You

Scout and I spent hours at the bar just reminiscing about the old times and laughing. I told her that I hadn't laughed like that since I don't know when and she said the same. I downed four double Irish coffees while Scout sipped on the same glass of soda water the whole time. She admitted to being a big time tee-totaler and everyone liked to make fun of her for it. I told her I didn't think it was funny and that it was refreshing to see a woman who didn't always need a drink. At the ending of our serendipitous rendezvous, we got really quiet and listened to Johnny Cash on the jukebox as I stared into her eyes. They were Scout Finch eyes for sure but the light they once held when she was a child had disappeared.

"What are you looking at me like that for?" She asked as she pulled out a cigarette and a lighter from her purse.

"Am I looking at you?" I asked in return. I knew damn well I was though. "It must be the alcohol."

"Gee, you think?" She shot back as she took a long drag.

"Haha," I said with a smile. "My hotel room is across the street if you want to come over."

"Sure," she shrugged. "Got nothing better to do night."

"Or no one."

"Charles Baker Harris, you are hateful," she said as she wacked me in the head with her purse. She got up though so I believe this is a yes. "But that's why I love you."

"Ditto," I said as I got up with her.

When we stepped out into the dark city street, I still couldn't keep my eyes off of her. I watched the way she walked and it was not her famous tomboy walk of her past. She walked like a lady now but not a demure one; she walked like a woman who had confidence and knew she was beautiful. I almost stopped in the middle of the street to ponder that. Wasn't that the main reason I fell in love with her as a kid? She used to not know her own beauty.

"What are you waiting for, Dill?" Scout asked as she drudged her used up cigarette on the sidewalk with her foot.

"I thought there was a car coming," I said as I started to run to catch up.

"Well, that's life in New York. Get used to it."

Scout laughed at me as soon as I caught up to her. She wrapped her arm around me as soon as we walked into the hotel room. I guess I will never shake loose the southern gentleman mentality even though I haven't lived in the south for practically twenty years. I still wonder what the concierges think whenever I bring a strange woman into my hotel room. I have to remind myself that this is New York City and they've probably seen way more strange people walking in the doors. I wonder how Frank will react when he sees I've brought Scout over to meet him?

"It's open," Frank answers when I knock on the door.

"Hey," I say as I open the door and lead Scout in by the hand.

"Whoa," Frank said as he just about falls off the bed. He was only wearing underwear and I can tell by the lotion on his bedstand what he'd been up to. "How do you do that, man?"

"Do what, Frank?"

"We haven't been in New York for six hours yet and you find yourself a hooker!"

"She's not a hooker!" I hiss at him. God, I'm embarrassed for Scout now.

"Hi," Scout speaks up. "I'm Jean Louise Finch but you can call me Scout. I've known Dill for many years."

"So you two are friends?"

"Yes, bonehead," I say as I roll my eyes.

"Hey, I'm sorry," he says as he goes over to kiss Scout's cheeks. I wasn't worried; he was European and that's just what they do. "I didn't know."

"Well, Dill here is full of surprises. He didn't even write me to tell me he was in town."

"Sly dog," Frank says as he punches my arm. "I think I'll go get dressed and head out on the town a bit and give you guys some time."

"Thank you," I said before Scout could tell him it was okay.

"I'll wait in the bathroom," Scout offered as she headed in that direction.

"Hey, man," Frank whispered as he got dressed. "Listen, don't fuck her up."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean don't let her go."

"Believe me I won't."

"If you're smart you wouldn't," he said as he threw on a coat and headed for the door. "I can tell she's the kind of girl you marry."

I didn't respond. I just waved him goodbye as he shut the door. The type of girl you marry, huh? If only he knew. I knocked on the bathroom door to let Scout know she could come out now. She opened the door and I was pleasantly shocked to find her stark naked. As creepy as it sounds, the image of her at our revival came flooding back to me. It occured to me that she was the first girl I ever saw naked. A memory of being knocked into the pond with her popped into my head. I remember my seven year old self looking at her vagina and being excited.

"You are beautiful," I said, breathlessly.

"Are you sure you want to do this with me?"

"I've waited a long time for this," I confessed with a nod. "Do you trust me?"

"Yeah," she said with tears brimming in her eyes. She wasn't ready and I knew it.

"Sweetheart," I said as I picked her dress up off the floor. "Put this back on. I don't want you to do this if you aren't comfortable."

"No, I want to, I want to," she said as she pushed the dress away.

"Well, what's the matter then?"

"I don't know. I just don't want us to get ruined."

"Ruined?"

"I've lost just about everyone, Dill and I don't want to lose you. I don't want something stupid like sex to make me lose someone again."

"Sweetheart, you're a big reason why I am moving here."

"I am?"

"Yes, I told you how much I realized I love you and I meant it. I want to be close to you."

"Oh," she said as she wrapped her arms around me. I picked her up and walked her over to the bed. We didn't end up having sex but we laid on my bed and we held each other. We stayed that way until we fell asleep.


	6. Hot Blooded

It was nine o'clock the next morning when I finally woke up. I looked at Scout who was still sound asleep and still completely exposed. I shot a look across the room to see if Frank came back and sure enough he was lying on the bed staring at her. I immeadiately covered her up with a bedsheet and walked over to him.

"How long have you been here, man?"

"Since midnight. No wonder you liked that bar across the street so much; it's nice. Did you fuck her?"

"No, I didn't."

"I'm proud of you, man," he said as he shook my hand. "What happened though?"

"She wasn't ready and I wasn't going to force it."

"Wow, you must really love her."

"She was my best friend."

"So what's her story?"

"Tell you in the bathroom," I said as I got up. Frank got up and followed me. I turned on the shower so not only could the water run to hot but so I can tell him what I know without her hearing me, I hope. Frank eagerly sits on the can and waits for me to begin.

"Listen," I said, still whispering. "She took a trip home over the summer and she was engaged to be married. He called out another girl's name during sex and they are no longer together."

"So he was cheating?"

"No, he wanted to change her name," I said, dripping with sarcasm and then slapped his knee. "Of course he was cheating!"

"Oww!"

"That didn't hurt."

"Yeah, it did."

"Sorry," I said. I wasn't sorry. "Anyway, I think there's more to the story but she's not telling me."

"Her father still alive?"

"Yes. Her mother died when she was only two..."

"I don't care about her mother. A lot of times it's the fathers that give daughters a hard time."

"Atticus couldn't give Scout a hard time even if he wanted to and she deserved it."

"Who's Atticus?"

"Her father, you idiot!"

"Who the hell names their kid, Atticus?"

"Apparently Americans do, Einstein."

"I always knew your people were strange."

"And yours aren't?"

"Hey, don't you be saying shit! I've got Mafia connections!"

"Like hell you do," I say, laughing. I knew he was lying because he couldn't lie to save his own ass. Didn't help that he threatened me like that with a smile.

"Dill, are you in there?" Scout asked as she knocked on the door. Shit, she was up.

"Yeah, sweetheart," I replied. "I was showing Frank here how to use the shower. Come on in."

"Well, not if he's going to be in the shower, Dill."

"I just wanted to know so I can take one later," Frank piped up. I was proud of him; he successfully lied for once. "I'm a night shower person."

"Okay," she says as she walked in the room. She was wearing the sheet off the bed and she sort of blushed when she saw Frank. It was so endearing I had to smile. Frank got off the toilet and gave Scout's cheek a kiss before he headed out.

"He's nice," she said as she shut the door behind her.

"He is very nice," I agreed.

"Are you going to let the water run like that all day or what?"

"Oh," I said. I didn't even think about that. "Do you want to take a shower?"

"Do you?"

"I'm asking you."

"I could take one. Want to join me?"

"Sure," I said. I was getting excited again despite all my intentions of being a gentleman. "Here, you get in first."

"Don't mind if I do," she said as she literally shook off the bedsheet she was wearing. God, she was sexy. I pulled the shower door open for her as she stepped in.

"I just have to go do something real quick," I said as calm as possible.

"Okay," she said as she let the water pour on her.

I slowly closed the door and walked out the door as if nothing was about to happen. There was something about to happen though because why else would she want me to shower with her? I had to tell Frank to get lost.

"Oh man," he shrieked. "You two are going to shower together!"

"Yes, sir," I said as I strutted over to my side of the bed to get undressed.

"You are going to get it on!"

"You are going to get going!"

"Really?"

"Yeah," I said, incredulously. "You didn't think you were going to be allowed to stay and watch, did you?"

"Shit," he said as he began to undress himself. "Oh well, I could use some breakfast."

"There you go."

"Hey, remember what I told ya: Don't let her go."

"Remember that I said I wouldn't."

"Good."

That was when I walked away and into the bathroom. She smiled at me when I walked in and I smiled back at her. It was hotter than hell in that shower space but it did set the mood.

"I'm already washed up," she admitted as she handed me the bar of soap.

"You're quick," I said as I grabbed the soap from her.

For a minute, she just stood back and observed me wash myself. I was going to take my time despite myself and make her wait for it. She was going to be patient and wait for me. She's a good girl. It wasn't until I was rinsed off that she snuck behind me and started kissing my neck. I had a smile on my face a mile wide; it felt just that good. I turned around and pulled her close as I kissed her hard on the mouth.

"I'm ready now," she whispered.

"Me too," I said as I reached backwards to turn off the water. I unfortunately had to take her off me so I can grab a towel for her. I got out, wrapped it around her, and picked her up out of the shower. Her legs were slippery around my torso and it was a sensation I think we both enjoyed.

Without Frank's presence to worry about, I plopped her down on the bed and climbed on top of her. We did what people do when they're horny but felt what people feel when they are in love. It was the best sex I ever had.


	7. Movin' Out

"Maybe you should talk to Frank," Scout said as she rubbed my head. We hadn't moved from my hotel bed and we were still naked and exhausted an hour after we were done.

"About what?"

"About you staying here."

"In New York?"

I was confused by that statement. Didn't she want me to stay? I would hate to think she regretted what we had just done. I shouldn't feel guilty if she does; she made it perfectly clear that she was ready and I didn't force her into doing anything. I would feel guilty though because as much as she's a woman now, a part of me will always remember her as the spunky little girl. It was then that I realized that toeing the line between having sex with the woman and remembering the little girl was going to be difficult.

"No," she ended up saying, to my great relief. "I mean stay in this hotel room. I think the way things are going you and I are going to be wanting to spend time together and it wouldn't be fair to Frank to always be popping in and out because of us."

"Where would I stay?"

"With me, of course!"

"You?"

"Where else?"

Her proposition had caught me off guard. I was happy to see that she was happy with me being in her life again and she still trusted me enough to get close to her. Yet on the other hand, was she going too far too soon? I can tell from the letter she wrote me not even two weeks ago that she was still bitter and hurt by what Hank had done to her. I then thought about Atticus and Jem, and then her aunt, and then of all of Maycomb. If that town is still as backwards as I think it is then the whole town would erupt with the news that she and I were living together in New York.

"So, do you want to?" She asked as she put her hand on my knee. I looked up and saw her big, blue eyes looking back at me. They almost looked like her childhood eyes again.

"Okay, sweetheart," I replied. She smiled big at me and I smiled big back at her. She kissed my lips and wrapped me into a hug. This was so nice.

"Hey, man," Frank knocked on the door. God, this is what Scout meant.

"I'm going to get dressed in the bathroom," she said as she flung her towel at me and walked away.

"Hold on," I said as I slipped on a pair of underwear and a t-shirt.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," he said.

"You're not," I said as I finally opened the door for him. "Come in. I want to talk to you."

"You want to leave don't you?"

"Yes," I replied. "That's exactly what I was going to tell you."

"Man, I'm disappointed in you."

"You are?"

"Yeah, you go fuck your childhood chick and then you want to run away back to Venice. I thought you were better than that."

I stood there incredulously as I heard Scout laughing in the bathroom. At first I was mortified that Frank thought that of me but then I got to laughing because she was laughing. The look on Frank's face when he heard Scout laugh was priceless.

"She's still here?" He asked. You could tell he was embarrassed.

"Yeah and you've got it all wrong: I'm moving in with her. She offered for me to stay over there so you could have some peace around here."

"Oh," he said as he smiled. "Hey man, I'm happy for you. That girl really is a keeper so don't you fuck it up."

"I'll try my best not to. I'm just going to pack a few things and then leave with her, okay?"

"Okay?"

Frank had sat on the bed and watched me gather all my things. I was happy he was taking this so well and thought so highly of Scout, as he should. I knocked on the bathroom door to tell Scout I was ready and that was when Frank got up to kiss her and give her his well wishes. He wished me well too with a hug. I couldn't have thought of a better person than Frank to wave me and Scout goodbye.


	8. You're My Home

"It ain't much," Scout said as soon as we walked into her studio apartment. "But I hope you like it."

"Well, I tell you what," I said as I put my suitcases down. "I will like any place as long as you're living in it."

"Smoothie," she said as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I hugged her back and we were going to kiss if it weren't for her telephone ringing.

"You better get that," I said as she frowned.

"It's Aunty," she said as she walked with a slouch to the phone. "I can tell by the way it rings that it's her."

"You mean Alexandra?"

"Yeah."

"Is she still an uptight cunt?"

"Yeah," she said as she took a deep breath while picking up the reciever. "Hello...Oh, hey Aunty...Yeah, sorry, I forgot today was Sunday...Yeah, I'm all right..."

She rolled her eyes at me and I pointed my finger at her and pulled my thumb as if it were a trigger. I tried not to laugh out loud when she pretended to keel over. The last thing I need is her to be scolded for me being here. Then it dawned on me that maybe breaking the news wouldn't be as easy as I thought and I knew it would be hard. I decided to take a look around and I thought she actually had the place looking nice. There was no table but high chairs for the kitchen bar; she had a sofa but no love seat; and I saw in the other room she had a full size bed in the middle of the room that I knew would be perfect for two. I took a walk into her bedroom and saw not only a bed but a desk in there with a typewriter. I was so happy to see it and I hoped that maybe she was a writer, too. She's the only girl I know who could match my imagination with her brother being the only guy.

"Hey," she said as she snuck up behind me.

"You okay?" I asked as I wrapped my arm around her neck. I knew she always took an ego beating after talking to her aunt.

"I'm beginning to think I never was," she admitted as she drew a heavy sigh as she laid down on her bed. I was more than happy to join her.

"What makes you say that? I know it's been a while but I say you shouldn't let that aunt of yours get you down so much."

"It's not really her."

"Well, what is it?"

"It's Atticus."

"He's okay, isn't he?"

"He's got the rheumatism real bad."

"Oh," I said. I felt awful to hear that. "That's gotta be tough. I'm sorry."

"That's not what's bothering me. He went to another goddamn counsil meeting to talk about how the new and improved black community is ruining Maycomb County."

"What?!"

"You heard me," she replied with disgust as she rolled over on the bed so she wouldn't have to look at me.

"Atticus Finch? Thee Atticus Finch that defended Tom Robinson even though it almost cost him everything? That same Atticus Finch is going to anti-black people meetings?"

"You got it," she replied, still not looking at me.

I couldn't even wrap my head around the news and I could only imagine how it made Scout feel. I have never seen a girl love her father the way Scout loved Atticus. Scout and Jem talked about him like he was better than God and I believed them. He, without preaching, lived like a man with perfect morals and I believed him. It was hitting me hard right along with her. I began to rub her back as I thought long and hard about what we just discussed.

"What about Jem?"

"What about him?"

"What does he think about all this?"

"Atticus and Hank tried to get him to go to one of those meetings. Jem upset himself into a heart attack pretty much."

"If I were him I would think I was having one, too."

"No," she said as she turned around to look at me again. It was nice to see her. "I mean it when I say Jem had a heart attack. He almost died."

"I didn't know that," I whispered. It was all I had to say about that. My Lord, what if he did die? What would've become of her? I'm sure she would find a way to go on but she would never be the same. They were more than brother and sister: they were soulmates.

"He's okay, though," she said as she got up and gave my cheek a kiss. She could tell that I was deeply upset by this.

"Yes," I say as I give her cheek a kiss. "So are you. You're okay, too."

"Oh," she said as she pulled me into a hug. "You're too kind."

"I know," I said as I make us fall onto the bed again. That makes us both giggle and it was good to hear her laugh again.


	9. Thanks For The Memories

I was disappointed to find out that Scout was not a writer. Later that night I had asked her what she did for a living and she said that she was a sub secretary at a marketing company a few blocks away. She just about flipped her lid when I told her what I did for money.

"I think that's terrific," she said, genuinely and happily surprised.

"You should try it," I suggested. "I bet you would be good at it."

"What would I write about?"

"You know how many stories I've written about you, me and Jem growing up?"

"Are you serious?!"

I could tell she was not pleased at all when I confessed that to her. Her face turned beet red and she put her hands to her mouth. She tried to laugh but she was obviously too mortified. I began to rub her back to try to coax her into saying something.

"Does the whole world know about our revival?"

"Well, they don't know it was based on a true story..."

"Oh my God," she said as she snorted and put her hands over her face. "Lord, what else from my crazy childhood did you write about?"

"The Tom Robinson trial."

"Oh, God! The Europeans are going to think us southeners are a bunch of assholes now!"

"What makes you think that?"

"Because we are."

"Did you pay any attention to what went on during the war? A good chunk of the world is in no position to judge us, sweetheart."

A glimmer of hope shone through when she lifted her face from her hands and her cheeks faded back to white. Another thing I had forgotten about her is that when she thinks, she thinks with everything. You could see the wheels turning in her head and you couldn't help but wonder what was going on in that magical mind of hers.

"Anything else that I should know about?"

"When a good friend had no choice but to leave."

"Well, that's sad. Who left you?"

"I left you."

"You didn't have a choice," she said with a sad laugh. I could tell memories were flooding back into her mind. "We were only ten and your mother moved and you had to go with her."

"Sometimes fate is the worst thing in the world," I said with a sigh. After all these years, even though I sit here reunited with my childhood friend-turned-lover, the memory of what I felt that last night in Maycomb was nothing of what I felt before. Scout leaned over and kissed my temple.

"That's not always true."

That was all she had to say about that. She walked away from me to go get herself a glass of water while the thought of our last conversation in Maycomb popped up in my memory. I began to smile and she noticed because she began to smile as well. I supposed I better speak up before she asked me what I was smiling for.

"Do you remember the last conversation we had before I moved away?"

"You know," she said as she took a pause. She set her glass down and puzzled over it for a while but to no avail. "I don't remember. I'm sorry."

"Do you remember anything about that night?"

"Hank got mad and pushed me into the Radley's tree," she replied, somber.

"What?"

"He was mad because I guess I was laying on your lap and he didn't like that."

"What?"

"That's why I got this now," she said as she pushed her hair back and exposed that scar on her temple from the other night. No wonder why she had a bad reaction when I noticed it. I knew I never noticed it before.

"Do Jem and Atticus know that?"

"Yeah."

"What did they do?"

"Well, you know that Jem never liked it when you fooled around with me the way you did and Atticus wasn't pleased to learn that I was laying in your lap, either."

"What about Hank though?"

"He admitted it, he apoligized, he was forgiven."

I felt sick to my stomach listening to this. Atticus was not the man I gave him credit for being all these years. The boy pushed his daughter into a tree and left a scar! The same boy was under Atticus' wing for years. She was going to marry this boy.

"So," she spoke up as she rubbed my arm. She could tell I was upset. "What did we talk about? Refresh my memory."

"We talked about our wedding day," I replied, still trying to not flip out over Hank.

"Was it a good day?"

"It was the best day."

"Was I happy?"

"Yeah."

"Were you happy?"

"The happiest I ever was or will be," I said as I turned around to look at her. I looked at her right in the eyes because I wanted her to know that I was telling the truth. She took my face in her hands and kissed me.

"You're a goddamned fool," she said as she laughed.

"What?" I was startled. "Why?"

"You really thought I had forgotten about that?"

"Why'd you say you didn't?"

"I wanted to see if you did."

"Why would I bring it up then?"

She just looked at me and smiled. She got up from the bar and put her glass back in the sink. I smiled because maybe she was pulling my leg about the whole thing and maybe she said that about Hank to get my goat. I don't know why she would joke about such a thing but she is a mystery like that.

"How did you really get that scar?"

"I told you already."

Shit.


	10. Humans Are Monsters, Too

Life was good to me once I moved in with Scout. I fell in love with her all over again and even with our new enviornment and circumstances, it just seemed better. We lived in the very liberal New York City, we were young adults with very active sexual appetites, and there was no one around now who could stop us.

Moday through Friday, Scout worked in her office (if you could call it an office) and that left me alone almost the whole day to write whatever I pleased. My new relationship had me bursting with inspiration and it was safe to say that Scout would always be my number one muse. The weekends found us mostly naked and in bed while watching television. We would would go to the park sometimes during the day and go to the bars at night sometimes but nothing beat the quiet times at home under the covers.

Autumn was passing quickly and I didn't want to let this glorious season go by. Even on the days when Scout was away at work and I needed a break from writing, I would go to the park and walk. The trees color in the south, too but there was something about being in the north that made it all the more magical. I also felt a sense of haunting that I couldn't explain. I suppose it could be that Halloween was around the corner already.

I never liked Halloween since I was about nine years old. I went to bed that night still buzzing from all the candy I had eaten when my mother wasn't looking. That was nothing new. I will never forget that I had dreampt of Jem and Scout that night. I was back in Maycomb and we were all swimming down at the Eddy when a large alligator showed up out of nowhere. I could tell that the gator was hungry and so couldn't Jem because he immeadiately guarded us away from it. The alligator snapped it's jaws in fury and I managed to go underwater and swim to the shallow end. I had escaped but I looked around but there was no sign of Scout in sight. I jumped back inside and swam out in hopes that I would reach her in time but I never found her. All I found was Jem floating in the water with the alligator munching on Jem's arm that he had bitten off. Then I woke up. That dream haunted me for days on end until I got a letter from Scout, telling me what had happened on Halloween night. I remember thinking how I couldn't have felt anymore helpless and sad as I did then. I never told her about that dream because I didn't want to upset her anymore than she already was.

When Halloween finally came, I waited for Scout to say something about the day but she never did. That was the strange thing about the Bob Ewell ordeal, she discussed it once and then never again. I figured there was no sense in bringing it up if she wasn't going to and that feeling holds true today. I guess if you make a habit of not remembering something, you will eventually forget about it without trying. I believe that's what Scout has done and frankly I am proud of her. She shouldn't have to carry all that baggage with her.

"It's nine o'clock," she said as she got up to lock the door. "You think that's the time the kids go home?"

"Maybe," I replied, not moving from the couch.

"I want to go to bed."

"Go to bed, then. Even if the kids are out, all you have to do is not answer the door when they knock."

"True," she said as she took her shirt off and unhooked her bra. "You going to join me?"

"In a few minutes," I say as I enjoy the view.

"Suit yourself," she said as she finished undressing in the hallway.

I slump back on the couch and just wonder how I got so lucky for a few minutes. God, my girlfriend was a brick house! I then jump up, turn the tv off and scurry into the bedroom to go to sleep with my lady. She smiles at me as I walk in and I smile because I'm all too happy to undress myself and crawl into bed. When I finally do, we kiss each other goodnight and then roll over on the opposite sides to fall asleep.

I didn't realize how fast I had fallen asleep until I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of crying. I felt Scout shake next to me in the bed and the shakes were in rythym of the sobs.

"Scout," I whisper as I rub her back. "Wake up, sweetheart. You're okay."

"I'm sorry," she choked.

"Why are you crying?" I asked as I flipped on the lamp light so I could look at her. She sat upright and her face was soaked with tears. I took her wet face and kissed her cheeks. My lips tasted of salt afterwards.

"It never fails," she whimpered. "Every Halloween night, I have the same goddamned dream."

"Tell me about it," I encouraged. If she dreams about alligators I'm going to shit.

"I go to the graveyard by myself at night and I always end up at Bob Ewell's grave. The ground moves and shakes until I see a hand rise from the grave to try to get me. Every single Halloween night, Dill."

"I never knew."

"I didn't want you to know."

"You know," I swallowed. I figured now would be as good as any to reveal my own halloween dream. "The night you and Jem were attacked I had a nightmare about all three of us being chased by an alligator."

"Did they get us?"

"I escaped and I couldnt' find you so I jumped back in the water to go get you and that's when I noticed the alligator got Jem and chewed his arm off."

"I could be understanding of an alligator; they wouldn't know any better than to attack someone, especially if we were invading their territory but why would Bob Ewell want to hurt us? I know the trial and everything but all of us didn't deserve to get hurt the way we did. How did he know he could do such a thing to us, Dill?"

"Because humans are monsters, too."

She didn't repsond to me. The tears welled up in her eyes again and she collapsed into my arms. I rocked her back and forth and tried my best to comfort her. My poor friend, she was still in so much pain.


	11. Home For The Holidays

The days following that emotional Halloween night went by as pleasantly uneventful. The days were officially shorter due to daylight savings time but that didn't stop our ordinary routine. It felt nice to still feel so inspired while sitting still for a change. The only thing that caused me a little bit of anxiety was the fact that holiday season was pretty much already here. Thanksgiving was only a few weeks away and I don't think Scout has mentioned anything to anybody in Maycomb about our relationship. Things were going better than I had ever hoped and I didn't want to ruin anything adding her family into our equation so soon.

"It's Sunday," I mentioned one morning while I was thumbing through the Times.

"So?" Scout asked as she poured herself another cup of coffee. I swear she drinks a whole pot by noon.

As if one cue, the phone rang and Scout looked slowly up from her coffee mug. I smirked at her from behind the newspaper while she smacked it in my face. It didn't bother me and I watched her walk to the telephone with the same grin. I had to refrain from laughing when she so cheerfully answered the phone.

"No, I'm all right, Aunty," she said while she looked at me and raised her fist in the air. I gave her the finger and she unclenched her fist to show me her finger. We are such mature adults.

"Well, gee, Aunty," I heard her say next. "I don't know about Thanksgiving..."

That was when I folded up my paper and headed into the bathroom. My anxiety got the better of me and I couldn't listen to any of that anymore. I decided to hop in the shower and hopefully she would be off the phone by the time I got out. The only problem is that I'm am as graceful as a bull in a china shop when I'm nervous. I almost twisted my ankle just trying to get into the damn tub. I turned the water on too hot and I had to refrain from shrieking. I learned something new from this shower though: Prell shampoo is poison for your eyeballs. I screamed like a little girl and it made Scout come running.

"What the hell?" She said as she pulled the shower curtain open.

"Shampoo got in my eyes."

"Oh for fuck's sake," Scout mumbled as she grabbed a towel. "Here, wipe your eyes."

"So, what's going on?"

"About what?"

"About Thanksgiving."

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know."

"I don't know," she said as she took the towel away from me and slunk on the toilet seat.

"Do you want to go home?"

"I guess it would be a good idea."

"But do you want to is what I'm asking."

"Well, what are you going to do? Do you have any plans?"

"Not in particular."

"Well," she sighed as she got up and went to the sink. She studied her face in the mirror before she spoke up again. "If you're brave enough, you can always come with me and face all my family again."

"You act like you're not brave enough to see your own family again."

"I'm not," she said as she looked down at her feet. "I mean, I love Jem and Atticus and all that but things are different now. I still can't get over what happened over the summer."

"I think you should go," I said on the spot.

"You do?" She asked as she looked up at me with an incredulous look.

"Start fresh," I said as I grabbed the towel back and got out of the tub. "I think you've already went through the worst."

"What about you, though?" She asked as she turned around to look me in the eyes. I wrapped my arms around her waist as I was about to speak my peace.

"You need to go for yourself this time. I can look after things here while you're gone. We'll be just fine, it will all be just fine. You'll see."

"I'll miss you, though."

"It's only for a few days. If I can survive fifteen years without you, I can survive a few days."

"You're so sweet," she said as she gave me a kiss. "You always make things feel like they're going to be all right."

"Until Christmas," I joked off-handedly. Scout just laughed, though.

"Jem's getting married December 14th and I'm planning on staying in Alabama until New Year's; you can come with me then."

"Sounds good," I said as I pull her close to me. "Jem's getting married?"

"Shit, I never told you?"

"No."

"Her name's Sara Ann and she's really pretty."

"Scout Finch pretty?"

"Shut up."

There was the Scout Finch that I knew and still love.


	12. Locomotive Breath

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

Scout had been able to get time off from her job which she figured she would seeing as she is the least important secretary there. When she told me that I told her not to be so hard on herself but she claimed she was only stating facts so I left well enough alone. She had her bags packed and a train ride booked for the Monday before Thanksgiving. I could tell she was still uneasy about going but I kept telling her it was for the best. Even here at the station and two minutes before boarding time, I had to keep reassuring her that it was all going to be all right.

"Sweetheart, I'm going to be just fine," I say as I take her hands in mine.

"I wish you could come with me," she says as tears well up in her eyes.

"We've been through this," I said, trying not to get frustrated with her. "You need to go for yourself. Now is not a good time for me to come along; it's too early."

"But you know them."

"Sweetheart, you don't even know them anymore. Just trust me when I say you need this time for yourself. Do you trust me?"

"Well, yeah."

"Then do it."

"I will."

"I know you will because your train is here and you're getting on it and I don't care if I have to kick your ass every step of the way to get you on it."

"You wouldn't do that," she said with a smile as she bent down to pick up her luggage. "You know I would come back and kick your ass even harder."

"Just like the old times."

"Nice to see you haven't forgotten."

That was when we kissed each other goodbye. I made sure to savor it because it was going to be a whole week before I would get this oppurtunity again. Scout parted the kiss with a laugh and she nuzzled her cheek up against mine. She has the softest cheeks in the world; they feel like silk to me.

"I love you, Dill Harris," she whispered.

"I love you, too, Scout Finch," I whispered as I lead her to the platform. "Now take a deep breath and hop on the train. If you need me, call me. I'll be here."

"Thank you for everything," she said as she made the first step up on the train. I made sure she was there to climb the other steps. I then waved to her as she looked down at me and she waved to me. She blew me a kiss and I blew her one back.

"You're welcome," I mumbled to myself when she finally walked away. She was more than welcome.

So the rest of the week was mine after her train left the station. What to do now? I decided that I was hungry after all and stopped by the bakery to pick up a danish and a cup of coffee. I rounded the corner to see that I was right in front of jewelery store. They were just opening up for the day and I supposed I should finish my breakfast before heading in there. While I popped the last bite of my danish in my mouth, my eyes wandered to a beautiful, sapphire ring. If I had to describe Scout as a color, it would be that.

"Can I help you, sir?" A man asked as I walked in.

"Yes, I would like to buy that sapphire diamond ring in the window," I replied.

"Sure thing, sir. Do you know the size of the finger."

"That looks like it will work fine."

"Would this by any chance be a Christmas present for the lady?"

"Yes, sir."

"Was she born in September?"

"Oh no, she was born in April. This is going to be the ring I propose to her with."

"Oh," he said with a shrunk face. I don't know why. "Well, if you want to come with me to the back case I could show you our more traditional enagagement pieces..."

"We're not traditional people, sir, but thank you though."

"Okay," he sighed as he went to ring up my purchase. Jesus Christ, when will these salespeople trust there customers?

I had to run back to the apartment after I was done. A rush of excitement and nerves took over my body. I had to tell someone what I had just done and I knew just the person.

"Frank," I say into the phone as soon as he answers.

"Hey, man. How's it going?"

"I didn't let her go."

"About time you listened to me."

"Yeah, yeah. Now you listen to me: I did something and I have to tell someone so I thought of you."

"Oh shit, what?"

"I bought a ring and I'm going to propose to Scout on Christmas."

"Oh fuck, man. Go get her!"

"Oh, I got her."


	13. Operator

"Yes operator, I will accept the charges," I breathed into the phone.

I could tell by the way it rang that it was Scout. It was her second night in Maycomb and I wondered if everything was going all right. I told her from the very beginning that no news was good news so if I hadn't heard from her, I wouldn't worry. I swallowed down the lump that was already forming in my throat as the operator put me through.

"Hey, sweetheart. Are you okay?"

"I think so," she replied. I couldn't dectect any crying noises so that was a relief in of itself.

"So how's everything going? I take it your ride down went smoothly."

"It did but my emotions haven't been going smoothly. I cried the first two hours of the way because I didn't want to leave you. Please, don't say we've been through this already because I know a million times you've said it."

"Okay, I won't," I sighed. My emotions were getting conflicted now: I felt horrible that she felt so sad but at the same time I was happy to hear I was missed so soon. "So, what was your family reunion like?"

"Jem and Atticus came to pick me up. Jem and I carry on like nothing's ever happened but I don't know, there's a void between Atticus and I now. I don't know if it's him or it's me."

"Well, how does he act when he's around you?"

"It almost seems like he's trying to hard to get close to me. I know he still loves me and all but I just think it's a shame that he feels he has to go above and beyond for me. It used to be so easy between us, Dill."

"He probably feels guilty because he chose Hank over you for such a long time."

"Well," she said, shocked. I knew I was going to touch a nerve with her but someone had to say it. "I don't think I would say that."

"I would and I did," I continued. "Sweetheart, the same man who told you no more fighting turned around and said boys will be boys about the time Hank pushed you up against a tree and scarred your head. The same man who dried your tears over Tom Robinson went to these council meetings with Hank with matching grins..."

"Are you done now?"

"I'd like to be."

"I can see why you're a successful writer. I was wrong about you, though."

"What do you mean?"

She honestly scared me with that statement. Had I gone too far? I thought I was only saying the truth and I thought that's what she wanted from people now-a-days. Please, don't be mad at me, is all I could think.

"You know," she went on to explain. "When we were kids, you used to lie all the time about things like where your daddy was and what he was up to..."

"I know. It was stupid."

"I guess I just can't believe how honest you are about things these days. I'm very proud of you."

"Thank you, sweetheart," I said, genuinely touched and relieved. "I just can't believe you are being so truthful about your family when they are in the house with you."

"Oh, I'm not at the house. I'm on the payphone by the courthouse. I don't want your cover blown anymore than you do."

"Well, it's kind of late, isn't it?"

"It's nine o'clock in Maycomb, Dill. Everybody is in bed here unlike in New York."

"True. Hey."

"Hey what?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I think you better go to bed yourself."

"Only if I can dream a little dream of you."

"Make it dirty."

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Goodnight."

God, I love that woman.


	14. Thank You

I never cared much about Thanksgiving and why would I? The picturesque scene of a big family around a big bird and big dishes of other vittles was something I never knew. My family was broken and we never tried to hide it. A lot of times during my childhood it was just mother and me and mother would try sometimes to cook a turkey dinner but it always ended up being a dried-up breast sandwich. Nobody ever said my mother was a good cook.

Though on this particular Thanksgiving, I owe a lot to her. If it wasn't for her multiple unstable relationships and crappy cooking skills, I would sulk at the fact that on this day I was alone at a Chinese restaurant for dinner. I'm not complaining about the food (my Cantonese Lobster is delicious) but I sure do miss Scout and I wish she was here. I thought about her all day and dinner time was no exception. I hoped she was having a nice day with Atticus and Jem and her aunt and uncle. If I know her she will call me tonight and tell me about it. Usually I take a long coffee break after dinner and chain smoke some cigarettes because there was no hurry for me to go anywhere but I felt it important to go home early tonight. I don't want to miss Scout's call.

"Dill?"

Sure enough the phone rang as soon as I walked into the apartment. I got schoolboy happy and practically galloped to answer the call.

"Hi, sweetheart. Did you have a good day?"

"Dill, this is going to be a long story and I hope you are ready for it."

"Oh, Jesus."

"You see," she said as she drew a nervous breath. "This isn't easy for me to say but I had a feeling I was pregnant."

"Pregnant?" I was flabbergasted already. "By me?"

"Don't be mad at me."

"Sweetheart, I'm not mad. When did you start thinking this?"

"I was due the first of this month and I never got it. I'm not usually late, Dill."

"It's the twenty-fifth," I breathed, heavily. God, I wasn't ready for this but I'm trying to keep my cool cause I am sure neither is she.

"So, we're right in the middle of dessert and I felt a rush in between my legs..."

"Oh, honey, you bled!"

"I was wearing a white dress, Dill. I got up to get another piece of pumpkin pie and Jem, who was sitting next to me, noticed it first and tried to hide it but it was all over my butt, Dill. I turned around and everyone looked at me like the sight of my blood made their brains melt."

"Sweetheart, I feel awful. Did anyone know?"

"How could they not realize that, Dill?"

"I don't mean your bleeding, I mean you thinking you were pregnant."

"No, thank God. I was going to ask Uncle Jack for a consult tomorrow morning but I never got a chance."

"At least you had a doctor in the house."

"What good was he? He was so drunk he sat back and laughed and told me he was going to start calling me "Red" from now on."

I may be going to hell but that was funny. I started howling with laughter and if I know Scout, I hope God gets me before she does.

"Shut up," she hissed into the phone. "It's not funny."

"You're right, honey. I'm sorry."

"I guess I shouldn't have told you."

"Sweetheart, it's okay. I just feel bad because I assumed you were on the pill while we were having sex."

"Well, I'm not."

"Holy shit, Scout."

"God, Aunty would have a fit if she found out I was on that."

"She would have a fit knowing you got pregnant out of wedlock, too. Then again, you were always the problem child..."

"Dill!"

I gasped at what I just said. My spirits sunk to an all time low when I heard her begin to cry over the phone. God, the last thing she needed was my dumb ass making her feel worse.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I know what happened to you was disheartening and embarrassing. Listen, when the time is right we can try again if you want to. We're still young and we still got plenty of time."

"I don't know."

"Listen, you're okay, sweetheart. I'm okay, you're okay, everything's okay. We just have to get through these next couple of days and then you can come back to New York. Everything really will be okay then."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"You know, I'm not a praying woman but it is Thanksgiving after all and I said a silent prayer and thanked God for sending you back to me."

"You melt my heart. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said and/or done for me."

"I love you. Thank you for everything."

"I love you, too. Thank you for everything."


	15. Imitation Of Life

**I was sitting alone in what looked like an empty hospital wing. If I was right, this place would be a St. Elsewhere. The furniture I sat on was as stiff and dirty as the place looked. I heard water dripping from a pipe nearby and looked down to see there was definitely a puddle forming. God, that dripping was enough to drive a man insane. From the looks of this place, I don't dare want to move even though I know I oughta.**

 **There was one noise that was enough to make me move though: a baby's cry. I jolted up from my seat and ran to go see what the ruckus was about. That poor baby sounded like it was in distress. I ran into the left room all the way down the long hall and found Scout lying in a pool of her own blood. The sweat that rolled off her body and the tears that rolled down her face was incredible. There was no baby in sight and the cries stopped once I reached her room.**

 **"What the fuck did you do?!" I yelled at her.**

 **"I tried," she gasped. "I tried so hard."**

 **"Trying's not doing, is it?"**

 **"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."**

 **"Don't you ever scare me like that again!"**

 **I was mad and I didn't know why at the time. I went to her bathroom and grabbed a towel to try to wipe her face with. She was a pitiful, messy sight and I was going to clean her up. She flinched when I grabbed her face and put the towel in front of her.**

 **"Don't! I'm too raw; you'll hurt me!"**

 **"I can only hurt you if you don't trust me."**

 **"Please, I'm begging you. Please don't."**

 **I didn't listen no matter how loud she pleaded with me otherwise. I wiped under her eyes first and sure enough I left a gash. I steady burst of blood flowed with her new tears. I tried the other eye and the same thing happened. I must have been out of my mind because the more blood that showed up, the more I would wipe it away only to make matters worse.**

 **"It burns!" Scout began to shriek. "It's literally burning!"**

 **"Stop crying, then."**

 **"I can't stop. Why are you doing this to me? Can't you see that you're hurting me?"**

 **"You hurt yourself first."**

The sound of my alarm clock woke me up. Ever since Thanksgiving when she told me about her possible pregnancy and her possible miscarriage I had been having bad dreams about her every night. The one I just had was the worst one yet and the thing that upset me more than the dream was the fact that I was going to have to face her soon. She was coming back to New York which was why I was getting up early to meet her at the station. I didn't know how I was going to look her in the eye now.

I go to the bathroom to shave, shower, and dress all in a daze. Bad dreams and early mornings do not mix well. When I was finally out the door, I was happy to see that there was a taxi cab already outside the apartment complex waiting for business and even happier when we got to the station with no real traffic problems. I think I will take this as a good omen. Must be New York knew Scout Finch was coming back to her.

"Dill!"

A sweet, familiar voice rang out through the station from the platform I was looking for. She was here already and I didn't know if that meant she was early or I was late. It didn't matter because all I cared about was us being reunited again. I could see her again and she was happy. She smiled big at me and I couldn't help but smile at her when I walked over to her. I took her face in my hands and just looked at her for the longest time. I could tell by the way she was smiling that she didn't mind.

"Are you going to kiss me or not?" She asked. How could I say no? I gave her lips the softest peck I could possibly give and she looked at me stunned.

"You kiss me like you're afraid you're going to hurt me."

"Maybe I don't want to."

"Well, I'm glad you don't."

"What do you want to do?"

"Go home and go to bed. No sex, just sleep."

"We can do that."

That's exactly what we did. We hailed another taxi; talked laughed and held hands in the backseat all the way to back to the apartment; and then headed into the bedroom to sleep together for the first time in a week.

"I'm so happy you're back," I said as I rubbed her face.

"I'm happy to be back," she replied as my hand worked it's magic on her face. Her eyes slowly shut as she drifted off to sleep. Once I knew she was in a deep sleep, I kissed her forehead and wrapped my arm around her. It wasn't long until I fell asleep myself and dreamed only of good things for a change.


	16. Cry

"I knew that trip would have done you good."

That was what I said when we finally woke up and got out of bed. We slept right through to the afternoon and I don't know about her but this day does not feel wasted to me. The first thing we did was go into the kitchen to fix ourselves something to eat and to make some coffee. There seemed to be a glow about Scout and I couldn't make out if it was happiness or the fact that the sun still shines down in Alabama. Then again, maybe it was a little of both.

"Well," Scout said as she looked down at her cup that she was pouring coffee in. "The only really bad thing that happened was when I began to bleed on Thanksgiving, so I guess you can say my trip was successful."

"Your voice sounds like something more happened than what you are telling me."

I was incredibly close to her now and I can tell when she wants to hide things from me. Scout has always been honest; lying wasn't in her blood but man, she sure tries to hide when she feels like it. I knew I called her out on something when she wouldn't even look at me and kept on spreading mayonnaise on her toast. I watched her in relative silence as she loaded the smeared bread with hot bacon, lettuce and tomato. She took a big bite and moaned at how good it was.

"Okay," she spoke up while she was still chewing her food. "You win."

I was stunned that she caved in so easily. She picked up her sandwich and coffee walked into the kitchen to have a seat at the table. I followed her to the table, remaining silent and trying to stay that way until she was ready to spill her guts.

"It's Aunty," she said as she ripped off another bite of her sandwich.

"What'd she do now?"

"The same stupid shit she always does."

"Oh, so she just belittled you to death?"

"I wouldn't say that," she retorted as she slurped her coffee. "I'm not dead yet. Aren't you going to eat?"

"When we're done talking about this."

"I don't think there's really anything to talk about. I shouldn't have even brought it up."

"Yes, you should. You're obviously bothered by her."

"She's been bothering me since I came screaming out of my mother's uterus."

"She was there for that?"

"She was, actually. She went to Maycomb to help take care of Jem while mama was having me."

"I think it's a shame your mother died so young."

"You and everybody else."

"I think your mother would have protected you more."

"From what?"

"From your aunt and from Hank."

"How?"

"What I'm trying to say is that Atticus has a bad habit of letting other people treat you like shit. He makes a living defending other people but can't stand up to someone who likes to think his daughter of all people should be treated as sub-human."

My words stung her and her face turned red. I knew I had gone too far and I would understand if she wanted to slap me. I was about to tell her to go ahead when I saw tears fall from her eyes. It wasn't long before her shoulders began to shake and her lips quivered. Crying turned into sobbing in seconds and I felt horrible. Me and my big mouth.

"You're right," she sobbed as she put her face in her hands.

"You don't know how much I wish it wasn't true. I know it's not right that I came right out and said that to you."

"Well, somebody needs to tell me the truth once in a while. You're the only one who can see through Atticus' bullshit, you know."

"Lucky me," I said, sarcastically. She looked up at me and tried to smile but then she went right back crying. She was embarrassed by that and she once again buried her face in her hands.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"You're okay," I said as I went to her, kissed her hair and rubbed her still shaking shoulders. "Cry for as long as you need."

I looked at the food on the bar and felt like vomiting. I definitely wasn't hungry anymore.


	17. ForeplayLong Time

I made it a point not to mention Atticus again after that. Even though my observations about the man rang true, I had no right putting her father down like that in front of her. I knew her love for him ran deep into the core of her being despite all he put her through. All I ever said about him during my time in New York only added salt into her fresh wounds.

We hardly got back into the swing of things when it was time to go back to Maycomb again. This time both of us would be going and I could tell there was a hint of uneasiness about this. I could understand why Scout would be apprehensive: she got her heart broken in the summer and fell in love with another man in the fall. She still has no idea that her engagement ring is tucked away in a safe place in my suitcase. I haven't been this excited about Christmas in a long time.

The goddamned alarm clock woke us up at four-thirty in the morning. I will never like getting up early, I reckon. The only good thing about waking up to that was Scout rolling over to give me a neck kiss. Those are worth living for.

"Come on, Dill," she said as she rolled the covers off me. She is not nice.

"I'll come on, ya," I say with a frog in my throat.

"Wouldn't be the first time."

"Shut up!"

I heard her laugh all the way into the shower. That was the one thing that could make me hop out of bed. I tore off my pajamas and skipped into the shower to find her sitting on the edge of the shower floor as if she was expecting me.

"Get up," I ordered, gently.

She did as she was told and wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her back and kissed her temple. Without letting go of her, I turned her around and let the warm water wet her hair. She kissed me sweetly and then I let her go to get the shampoo.

"Don't let it get in my eyes," she said as I began to massage the shampoo in her hair.

"I won't," I said as I was done lathering her up. She then took some of the suds off her own head and rubbed my hair with them.

"You do for me and I'll do for you," she said.

"Thank you."

Nothing more exciting then taking a shower with your partner. I think she feels the same way. Don't even get me started on the body wash. It's even better than sex; you're literally taking care of each other in the shower. We were in a giddy mood for the rest of the morning. I think our taxi driver thought we were high on something. It's called life and love, bud.

"I'm happy you're okay with riding on a plane," I told her as I held her hand in the back of the taxi.

"I don't care as long as I have you with me," she said as she rubbed my knuckles with her thumb.

"I want to promise you, something," I told her.

"Promise me what?"

"I will treat Atticus like I know nothing."

"You're as bad as I am."

"Why do you say that?"

"Like me, you don't know where you'd be without him either. You know he shaped your life as much as he shaped mine."

"Damn, you're good."

"Okay, lovebirds," our taxi driver said as we pulled into Lagaurdia. Scout blushed and I just laughed. "Here's the airport."

"Thanks," I said as I handed him a wad of cash and Scout began to grab our luggage.

This was it, I thought as we entered the airport. A new chapter of our relationship was unfolding right now as we knew it. Through our ticket handling, security and baggage check and finally boarding, we were silent. We both knew something big was on the horizon for us but only I knew how much. I felt her tense up a bit when the plane finally took off but she calmed down once I was holding her hand. She smiled at me and I smiled at her right before I kissed her again.

"I had a dream about us last night," she said out of nowhere.

"What was it about?"

"We got married."

"Did we really?"

"Yes."

"Tell me all about it."

"I was as nervous as hell but I saw you at the altar and you looked so handsome. I knew I was going to be okay."

"I was, huh?"

"Very much so."

"What did you look like?"

"It's hard to say; I couldn't really see myself."

"You didn't look down at your dress?"

"I did. I think you were pleased."

"Did Atticus give you away?"

"Yes and he was happy because I was happy."

"Was Jem there?"

"Yes and he was very happy, too."

"Aunt Alexandra and Uncle Jack?"

"Actually, no. That's all right, though."

"How did it feel when it was all over and I kissed you?"

"Like I could walk on air."

I took her face in my hands and kissed her. I love her so much.

"We'll get there someday," I whispered, not letting go of her beautiful face. "I promise."

She had no idea. We sat back and smiled as we traveled to a far away place that I haven't been to in a long, long time.


End file.
